his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
