Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
