I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
