i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need water and some morals
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
