my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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