i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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