so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
