Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
