just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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