OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
