the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
