you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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