dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
