i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
