she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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