fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
