Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
