I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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