I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
