do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
