First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
