Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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