Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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