Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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