I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
