I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
