I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
