did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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