i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
