It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
