i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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