My cat gives me a boner
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
