you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
