I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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