We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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