do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
