At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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