why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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