As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
