Having a random hookup so left but love u
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
