i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
