1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize