Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
