I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The Olympian is in my bed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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