Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
