HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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