I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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