And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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