No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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