Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
