careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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