i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
