Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
