I wish my penis had an off switch
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
