The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
