i think my tv is drunk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
