You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
