Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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