How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
