Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
