Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
