i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
