I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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