This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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