and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
