i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
