I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
