I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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