the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
