I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
