i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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