im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
