What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
