i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This house was built for laser tag.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
