I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
