how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
