his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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