ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
